Searching For Love

In Crank by Ellen Hopkins, Kristina makes many controversial decisions. The decisions she makes are doing crystal meth repeatedly, dating two and a half boys at the same time (the half being Adam who she is sort of in and out of a relationship with), doing crystal meth while with her boyfriends, causing her to be taken advantage of and to get pregnant, and lying to her mother about nearly everything she does. Kristina makes these decisions because she wants love. She wants love from her mother, Adam (boyfriend #1), Brendan (boyfriend #2), and Chase (boyfriend #3).

Kristina's mother and most of her family are caught up in there own lives and don't really pay much attention to Kristina, until she gets caught up in all this trouble and starts acting weird. The first time her mom really says that she loves her in the book is when Kristina says to her "fuck you."So she sees that once she starts doing crank and staying out late, her mother starts to show that she cares about her and loves her, so why would she stop if that's the only way to make her mother love her? And she dates Adam because she needs love to make up for staying with her dad who caring about his daughter is one of the last things on his list of things to do. Kristina does crank for the first time because she wants Adam to love her, and he does crank, so her doing crank will impress him and make him love her. She dates and gets high with Brendan because he's beautiful and could easily get other girls but she wants him to just love her and wants to feel close to him. She makes love to Chase because she wants to feel what making love feels like when the person actually loves you (unlike Brendan), and she just wants to feel his love for her. 

There's got to better ways to find love, or to get people to really show their love besides hurting yourself for it. One of the things every single human being has in common, is that in some way they are searching for love. Knowing that someone loves you and feeling their love for you is one of the most amazing feeling someone can feel, whether it's your mother, your father, or your boyfriend/girlfriend. Many of the decisions people make every day are made for love. People will do anything to feel loved. And sometimes that anything is destructive, to them or to others. So one of the most difficult things as humans, is finding harm free love and making people love you for who you are, not what you do.

As Good as Love gets at Seventeen

When there is so much going on in your life it becomes hard to realize that what's happening is real and once you do it there is no turning back. People need a person to help them with their problems to take stress away and get a reality check. People need someone who loves them. In the book “Crank” by Ellen Hopkins, this love is something the main character, Kristina/Bree needed without knowing and her family wasn't helping her get it. But as they say love is blind Kristina/Bree finds someone who loves her for who she truly is and will not except anything else. This is the love all people need the most, but only some search for it.

Kristina/Bree finds love, real and true love after her trial and fails. But this love is different the other guys only love her for her so called “Bree” character he loves Kristina and knows everything about her. He is not only Kristina’s “lover” but her best friend. Chase is Kristina’s first true love and because of the events that happened I hope it’s also her last. Chase knows Kristina better than she knows herself. On page 359 in the book Kristina is trying to hide her feelings and what happened the night before. But Chase senses something wrong and pushes to find the answer, and then he gets it. When he finds out that Kristina was raped by Brendan he goes ballistic and threatens to kill him, which slowly leads into sorrow that he wasn't there to help, which slowly leads to him saying his true feelings. “I love you, Kristina”. Not only does Chase know everything about Kristina he loves her and wants to marry her. Nothing changes his mind about his love for her. Even two enormous moments in Kristina’s life can't change his feelings, like when he finds out that she's pregnant and its not his baby its Brendan’s he only offers to help. He doesn't tell Kristina to get and abortion he only offers to help her carry and take care of the baby with her. At the age of seventeen if this isn't true love, what is?

In conclusion, everyone needs someone who loves them in their life family, friends, anything. They need another mind to help them think especially when they are going through a lot or stressing with anything. Maybe not everyone is able to find this love but Kristina was able to and without that I don’t think she would have been able to deal with all the things going on at once in her life. Because loving yourself sometimes just isn't enough.

Commitment and Loyalty

Rape. Pregnancy. Drugs. Police. The book Crank by Ellen Hopkins deals with it all in telling the story of Kristina. Kristina is a teenager who is looking to branch away from her comfort zone and start a new personality-- one she has named Bree. Unfortunately, Bree makes all the wrong decisions, and Kristina has to pay the price. Smoking weed, snorting meth, and taking ecstasy pills help her cope with her confusion, satisfy her never-ending hunger from when a 'friend' named Adam introduced her to them. While sorting through her life there is always just one person that has truly been there for Kristina, and that is Chase.

The reason this character stands out to me the most, is because he is one of those individuals that is almost "too good to be true". He is loyal, supportive, committed, and caring. Out of the three boys Kristina dated in the time span of less than a month-- he is the only one who treated her respectably. Brendan illegally forced Kristina into doing something she wasn't comfortable with, as did Adam. In addition, he felt they had an open relationship, even though it broke Kristina's heart. 

When Kristina called Chase and told him she was feeling upset, he came to comfort her. And when she told him that Brendan had raped her the night before, he was more mad at himself than he was at Brendan, for not being there to protect Kristina. This showed that his love for Kristina wasn't about competing with other guys, but it was being there for one another. "I should have been there for you" he sobbed as they embraced. His tears portrayed sincerity and sorrow, and implies that he truly cares for Kristina.

Towards the end of the story, Kristina tells Chase she is pregnant. Now in most cases, one would assume that a relationship would end there. But Chases was one of the few that stood by her. And, he wanted to keep and raise the child, even when he found out that the child wasn't his. In one of her moments of doubt, Chase assures her that he will support her and she says, "Chase likewise promised to care for us, work two jobs if need be." Promising to work two jobs, is showing a great deal of commitment.

And finally, he asks to marry her.

He has proved to Kristina that he is ready to take on the responsibility that has been laid out before him.

Realistically, if a girl gets pregnant in her teen years, she has to raise a child without the help of a father. Brendan, the true father, was reluctant to give Kristina cash. In some cases, the family will stop supporting the girl as well. So I found Kristina incredibly lucky to have a family that supported her decision not to abort her child, and to have Chase who loved her and was willing to do anything to help.

Overall, Crank took the reader through some very dark topics and if I'm correct, based off the author's daughter. Ellen didn't write this novel randomly, but because it is a story that people can actually relate to. Kristina's life went downhill at a very rapid pace, but Chase helped her slow down--hopefully later to help her up again.

Think before you act

After finishing Crank  by Ellen Hopkins, I realized that Kristina completely screwed up her life because of one bad decision she made. Of course, it didn't help that her mom and dad had a horrid relationship that still haunted her. But, she gave in to one night of hardcore, drug-related partying, and right off the bat she almost gets raped (or maybe worse). Then, after that it just goes down hill from there, until it goes to an, almost, full stop at the end of the book. While I read, I realized that Kristina seems to go through different phases, and with each phase a different boyfriend.
First, there is Adam, or Buddy. He seems to be a nice guy. He is careful and loving. But, there are two bad things about him, which are; 1. He already has a girlfriend (Lince), and 2. He introduces her to crank. They end by Kristina going back home, and Lince jumping off a building because Adam left her. So, yeah, it was a pretty bad relationship. Sadly, the ship of everything going back to normal had sailed, and Kristina was only getting started. Next, there was Brendan, the swimmer. He had a nice body, and a perfect tan, so Kristina was all over him. He was, like Adam, a big crank user, so Kristina was getting even more hooked to the drug. Then, that relationship ended abruptly when Brendan raped her. So, another good call from Kristina. After that she seems to mature a bit, and is with Chase. Although Chase and Brendan did overlap a little, she still seemed to be more in control of herself (and Bree). Chase is actually a genuinely good person. He treats Kristina with respect and sets boundaries for her as well. Although he is also a crank user, he seems to be more in control with his actions (like Kristina). While everything started to look OK for Kristina, she found out she was pregnant. And sadly, it wasn't with Chase. She also learned that Chase was going over to North California for college. But, even after all of the horrible events, that relationship lingered on. Kristina finally seemed to have settled.

So, in all, Kristina went through things in 3 years that it would take others 10 years (or maybe more) to accomplish. There is the Adam Phase, where she is introduced (and gets addicted) to drugs. Then the Brendan Phase, the crazy, bad decisions she makes. And finally, the Chase Phase, where she slows herself down, and gives herself space to breathe. Of course, this might never happen to people. But it really gets you thinking, Is this me in the future? Do I really want this? Crank is a book that really gets you thinking about your future, and how you should prepare for it.

Clouded Judgement

I just finished the book Crank by Ellen Hopkins. The main character Kristina who mostly refers to herself as Bree went to her fathers house and was introduced to crystal meth or “crank”. Kristina, or Bree, began dating multiple boys. One boy, Brendan, raped her. Bree was broken the first night, but soon she seemed healed. Crank seemed to allow Kristina or Bree to not care until she found out she was pregnant. Her mind changed on what to do many times, Bree and Kristina each wanted to do something different. In the end Kristina made the decision to keep the baby, but Bree made the decision to leave.

The main character may have physically been Kristina, but there was an emotional struggle between the two personalities. It’s more than an emotional struggle it’s a conscience struggle. When Kristina got pregnant Bree was sailing through life not caring. Kristina made Bree face lifes consequences. Kristina made the commitment to keep the baby, but her addiction and Bree made her want to run away. Bree didn’t care that she had made the commitment and Bree took over.

In life often one thing will overshadow a commitment. Often in the world there is a point where people will stop caring about the most important things and something else will take over. Sometimes people will forget completely about their responsibilities. Bree was the thing that made Kristina forget all her responsibilities and just stop caring. To Kristina Bree took over, but Bree was the crank and crank was the distraction, that everybody has one way or another.

When consequences no longer matter

When the consequences, no matter how huge, no longer have an impact. When you can see clearly what can, and will happen to you, but you still continue to preform your actions, that is when you have reached the point of no return.

It is hard to tell when Kristina hit this point. I think she really started to slip when she saw her dad, and how he turned out, but made next to no attempt to stop cranking. She was falling pretty fast when she saw Lince attempt to commit suicide because of the crank, but I think that she really hit rock bottom when she was with Robyn at the aviation show and she told Robyn about Brendan and how he raped her. Robyn in return, shared her story, saying how she, in return for crystal meth, had gotten into a car with a random stranger, and still had the scars from what he did to her. Even though they are both speaking lightly, I think this is one of the heavier scenes from the story. And though almost the exact same thing happened to Kristina, even though she know how much worse things could become if she is not able to get her meth, she still carries on, not even attempting to stop herself.

I think at any point in the story, Kristina would have been physically able to check herself into a rehabilitation clinic. She was not so far gone that that would have been impossible for her to have a life without the meth: extremely difficult, yes, but not impossible. I think the fact she never even considered, never even tried to imagine getting any real help shows that she was beyond the consequences the crystal meth posed, and just didn’t care anymore. I the beginning, she had worries and doubts. She tries to resist when crank was offered—she thought about her future. But then she slowly started to stop doing that. I don’t think that the point of no return is when your body gives out, but when you as a person stop trying.

When a person has a potentially fatal disease, they have the capacity to either survive or not. Sometimes, the person just gives up, and that is what determines whether they live or not. As long as you continue to hold out and struggle for any thread of a lifeline, there is still hope you could be saved. When people stop looking into their futures, when they stop caring about the consequences,  that is their version of giving up—that  is what determines if you beat your ‘bad’ choices, or solve them .

When Does It Become Too Much?

I just finished reading Crank by Ellen Hopkins. The protagonist, Kristina -- she also calls herself Bree-- is a confused teenager, whose life starts falling all at once. Kristina finds a new side to herself, who she calls Bree, who does the thing Kristina would never do. Crystal meth. This Kristina messes around with boys, and stops caring about the rest of the world. She practically lets go of all the good she has. In the end of the book, she gets pregnant, and slowly starts trying to take the control of what she describes as "the monster" had taken from her. All of this brings up the question, when does all of this become too much?

Lots of parents ban this book from libraries, saying its inappropriate for youth. I however disagree. It was not my favorite book of all time. I felt like it could be really frustrating to watch Kristina "throw her life away," but that also adds to some of the power of the book. This book is important for developing minds to learn about so they can earn about it before being stuck in a bad situation.

Whether parents approve it or not, it introduces a part of the world to youth they haven't seen before. By hiding something and never letting them learn about it, only increases the temptation. To really see how something like this drug could affect somebody has a lot of power over the reader. If you were to be offered something like this and you didn't know what it was or what it could do to you, then you could be putting yourself in a lot of danger.

Kristina was introduced to a world she didn't know she had connection to. She was questioning herself and under the pressure of others to become this person who she didn't feel like she knew. She didn't know the side of her she called Bree. Whats unfamiliar to us we want to learn more about. This book shows you that side. You can't go out and live it like Kristina, but you get a better understanding of it. You see what it does to people, and you don't have to experiment because you know.

Being a young teenager, I understand questioning what you have, and wondering what makes you the happiest you could be. Kristina was taken over by a "monster" when she started crystal meth, and thought that would make her happy. Instead she had to fight it to get herself back. However I haven't experienced something this serious, I still go through stuff. I've questioned the types of people I want to associate myself with and who I'm going to be when I'm older. But by reading literature with lots of information about the bad things going on in the world, I'm capable of figuring out the good I want, and the bad I want to stay away from.

Whose Ending?

In Crank, by Ellen Hopkins, the main character, Kristina/Bree, is struggling with an addiction to crystal meth, nicknames "crank" or "the monster". The book is written in poetry. The last poem in the book is called Happy Endings. However Hopkins reveals that there is in fact more than one ending, and not all of them are happy. This is done to show that each ending is completely the same, or entirely different, depending on how you look at it.

The first ending shown is Kristina's ending. The first part hints that her ending will be unhappy. It talks of the hardships of being a mother, especially the mother if a newborn. It shows the struggles she has been put through. But her struggles are not for nothing. She shows that she really loves her son. This is done by abruptly stopping the tale of her hardships, and instead speaking of how wonderful her child is.  This makes it a bittersweet ending, but and ending all the same.

Another ending is Bree's ending. The reader would think that the ending of Bree and the ending of Kristina would be the same. However, it is pretty ironic of the reader to think that, because at the same time, we speak of how different Kristina an Bree are. The line between Bree's beginning and ending is pretty blurred. This is because her entire existence is one simple thing: a lust for danger, excitement, and primarily, crank. Bree speaks of crank as the answer to all of her problems. The single ray of sunlight on a cloudy day. It seems as though she enjoys her addiction to crank. Until she says "You can turn your back, but you can never really walk away." This hints that it is not that she enjoys her addiction. It is that she thinks she can't stop her addiction, so she sees no point in trying. This leads to a pretty gloomy ending.

The last ending, however, is almost completely unclear. It ends with "And today, it (the monster) is calling me out the door." Taken literally, this would be Bree's ending -- the monster is telling Bree to go out and buy more crank. But it can also be taken metaphorically, in which case it would be Kristina's ending. For Kristina, the "door" may be a door of opportunity to stop her addiction to crank. This leaves the reader feeling unsure, but at the same time, satisfied. This is because the reader will never truly know what the author means. But at the same time, the reader is able to choose how Kristina and Bree turn out. Ellen Hopkins is giving the reader a rare opportunity to be the author. It is up to the reader to take advantage of this unique occasion.

The Dark Side

     The dark side: it's a line never to be crossed. It's that place that has so many warnings and barbed wire fences keeping you away from it, holding you back from becoming the unknown. But what if all of those warnings and barbed wire fences are just illusions? What if we constantly are drifting from one side to another, but we just don't notice those warning signs on our way there? In Crank by Ellen Hopkins, Kristina/Bree is a teenage girl who was once, and part of her still is, a smart, sensible girl who became addicted to Crystal Meth, referred to as "crank" or "the monster." She crossed over to a darker side by way of "Bree," her (kind of) alter-ego. Through Kristina/Bree, Ellen Hopkins conveys that we all pass from the dark side of our personality to our better side constantly.

     Ellen Hopkins uses her structure to show this. For example, in the poem "I was Aglow," she describes the plainer facts about a party on the left side, like "Soon the house filled/with friends,/ with acquaintances,/ with complete strangers." These are thoughts of a simple, stable girl. The thoughts of Kristina. Then, on the right side, she says, " and I wanted to get to know each and every one." These are clearly different. They are form the mind of a crazy, wild, audacious personality. Bree. She subconsciously moves from her dark side to her regular side quickly, without even thinking. Her dark side is a part of her. It's not like jumping out of a body and into another. It's you.

     Like Kristina, we all have this part of us. Though everyone believes that their dark side is so far off, so hidden away, it's not. It not just this dead part of us that you can never even imagine going to. It's a place we constantly drift towards without knowing, without noticing that we're doing it. The bad parts of our selves are not covered in glass. Our personalities don't work like that. It's not like one day, you break the glass and it all comes pouring out. It's always inside of us, unconfined, yet unnoticed sometimes. Remember that you don't need anything to get to this place- it's just a part of you. It shows in some more than others, but it's still not untouched. No matter how pure a heart is, it's still there, looming, waiting far you to cross that blurry border to have a thought, or an action, or even a word that is subtle, but everything about it is still dark.

The Pick Up To Make Up For All The Let Downs

In the book Crank by Ellen Hopkins, teenager Kristina Georgia Snow decides to visit her dad whom she has not seen in 8 years, since he and her mom got divorced. She remembers him as possibly who he once was or who she always wished he was, a good, caring, father, this however is not who he is now. Kristina's dad works at a bowling alley, where he goes into a back room and does crystal meth (crank) very often, he has no food in the house even though he was aware that his daughter would be staying with him for a while, with the lack of food they occasionally decided to go out to McDonalds (he and Kristina) but instead got caught up doing a line of crank, together. Before Kristina went to visit her good for nothing dad, she was a good, clean, smart child. When she went to visit him, she fell for a damaging, sleazy boy, she became a crank addict, and along with that became an entire different person, Bree.

Perhaps Kristina was lost in the moment with a cute boy who she thought of as trustworthy, and that's why she took her first line of crank, and maybe that first time lead to the second and the third time. But I think that there was a bigger reason why Kristina did crystal meth each time. I think she uses it to make up for her being repeatedly let down. On page 102, Kristina is doing crank for the first time because Adam (who was a slight love at first sight situation and who she at this point considered to be her boyfriend) encouraged her to, when both Kristina's dad and Adam's other girlfriend come in. Kristina says "Things went from weird to worse. I mean, there I was, snorting crank with my dad, my boyfriend, and his other girlfriend." She wanted and thought she was Adams real and only girlfriend, that they had something special, but he had another girlfriend, she was not special. First let down. She took a hit. Also she goes to Albuquerque (where all this happens) to see her dad whom she had this semi-nice picture of in her head. She wanted to go there and be his little princess like she used to be, get close to him again, anything. Instead he barely fed her, encouraged the start of her crank addiction, and creepily asked her about her sex life. None of these describe the activities of anything close to a good dad. Second let down. Later on, Kristina finally goes back home, an entirely different person than when she left. She is still in a relationship with Adam, and is constantly thinking about him and about crank. Now, she thinks that she is really, really his only girlfriend because the other girl, Lince, is in a comma. Adam calls her, tells her that Lince woke up, tells her that he thinks they should see other people. Third let down, all too similar to the first too. She goes in search of more crank.

So throughout the story, Kristina has expectations or ideas that get crushed and ruined and she gets let down. Each time this happens she either does crystal meth or really wants to do crystal meth. Maybe if she had not been let down in the first place she would not have done it and therefore gotten addicted.  She is constantly being let down and so wants to get away from the reality that is so much worse than what's in her mind, crank makes what's in her mind more of a reality, or just blocks out reality, either way picking her up from these let downs. Her being let down does not give her an excuse to do crank however, she still has responsibilities and knows that what she is doing is wrong. Maybe her doing crank is a let down to herself, therefore causing her to do more to get away from feeling let down by her own self, causing her to be in this never ending spiral of crank. There needs to be a way to get out of this spiral, but looking for that way when it's not right in front of her is so much more work than just letting crank pick her up and take her away.

Boundaries

Introduced to the world of drugs through her father, Bree is born. A persona that Kristina, the main character, created to break away from her cookie-cutter life. In the book Crank by Ellen Hopkins that addresses the dark topics in self discovery, Kristina is used to having things under control, but she wanted change. Whilst visiting her father in Albuquerque, Kristina/Bree gets stuck on crystal meth as well as a boy named Adam. Back in Reno she has two more boyfriends, Brendan and Chase-- yet only one of the three treat Kristina well. Lost and confused, Chase finally gives her a fact about himself that will hopefully help Kristina in the long run. "I've set boundaries."

Kristina isn't a trouble maker. She is used to a quite settled life. But when she discovers Bree, she realizes she has no control. Bree picks and chooses when to let her persona shine through. Like when she decide to flirt with Brendan the lifeguard, or when she told her mom for the first time, "f---k you". Kristina only wanted a change from her uniform life, most likely not expecting one as drastic as Bree. Experimenting with one's identity is one thing, while letting it loose is another.

When Bree is high there is no telling what will happen or how she will feel. Kristina is lost and there is no voice of reason. In one particular poem she reads, " Before I met the Monster/ Life had a certain rhythm. An easy downhill flow.../Everything in its proper place, at its proper time." with each sentence placed in a diagonal line neatly beneath the next. The following poem reads, " But Now Nothing felt right nothing seemed proper" all scattered around the page. Not only through the context but visually the poems imply that Bree has lost Kristina. And with her she has lost her rhythm, her routine.

When Chase refuses to smoke crank instead, which makes you "soar higher", he says it's because he has set boundaries. When I read this, I thought what are boundaries? Boundaries are the thin lines that separate what we should and shouldn't do. Maybe if Bree set boundaries, then she could gain that sense of control once again, maybe she could find Kristina.

Personally, I like to know where I stand when choosing between two things. It is the most frustrating feeling when you cannot decide on things, and I would imagine it to be even more difficult when deciding who to be. It would be safer for Bree/Kristina to know when to stop with the crank, although it is an addictive drug. When boundaries are set, Bree can refrain, and slowly start to find herself-- who she really is.

Rebellion

Rebellion is a normal part of teenage life. In the book Crank by Ellen Hopkins Kristina decides to see her father who she hasn’t seen in eight years. She stays with her father for three weeks and in those weeks Kristina begins to be an entirely different  person. Kristina becomes Bree, who does drugs, and things she knows she is not supposed to do. In the first half of Crank Kristina becomes the person she does and does not want to be. Kristina rebels beyond the normal teenage rebellion, but was this rebellion brought on by her visit to her fathers or was is it going to come out eventually?

In Crank Kristina seemed to really start to become Bree and rebel when she goes to her fathers. Something made Kristina want to see her father after all these years. That’s when Bree started to come out of Kristina. Kristina started to notice Bree when she got to her fathers, that’s when Bree took control. Bree made Kristina rebel, but Kristina didn’t resist. If Kristina’s mother hadn’t let Kristina go to her fathers she wouldn’t have rebelled so much, but she would have eventually felt like Bree anyway. Bree seemed to already be taking over Kristina, the trip just sped it up and enhanced it.

Teenagers rebel all the time. Teenage rebellion is just apart of adolescence and coming of age. Teenagers may do drugs as rebellion, but they don’t usually become a whole new persona. People do change and they do become new people, not usually literally in the way Kristina did.

Devouring the Monster? Or Devoured by the Monster?

       In the book, Crank, by Ellen Hopkins, Kristina/Bree (they're both the same person), the main character, goes to meet her dad in Albuquerque, after eight years. When she goes there she is first introduced to crystal meth, in other words Crank, and in her words, the Monster. Kristina is the perfect daughter, quiet and that no cool people want to talk to, and Bree is the cool, flirty, addict. Addicted to the monster. Kristina's first line was with her father, her boyfriend, and his kind-of ex-girlfriend. 

       Kristina is on crystal meth because she wants to get away from her life and be alone. In the beginning of the story, Kristina says that being alone, is exactly the place she needs to be. No mom, no stepfather, no big sister, no little brother. Kristina doesn't seem to want to be the perfect daughter, a gifted high-school junior or Kristina Georgia Snow. She wants to be Bree. I think that the way Kristina is lead to the monster is when she wanted to be alone. And when she wanted to be alone, she wanted to be Bree. And when she wanted to be Bree, Bree took control of her and that's what led to her addiction to the monster.

       In my opinion, I think that Bree is the monster herself because she seems like this wild inner personality that Kristina has hidden for so long and now that it's unleashed, there is no turning back. That relates to crank because after the hunger and addiction to crank is unleashed, there is no turning back - in a very long time. Kristina/Bree is devouring the monster, but I think that Kristina was devoured by the monster first, the monster luring Kristina in with hopes of pleasure, but in reality, Kristina is actually hurting herself. 

       I am not quite sure who to blame for Kristina's addiction to meth. Maybe, a little bit of the blame should be put on everyone. First of all, we could all blame Bree for convincing Kristina to try meth. But then, Kristina should have taken over right? Should have said no, right? Someone can't just say jump over a cliff and you say yeah sure. But all the blame can't be put on Kristina or even Bree. What was the father of Kristina doing while Kristina was taking a line? He was sitting right next to her, enjoying a line of his own. Not your typical fatherly figure. Kristina's family back home didn't seem to notice her much after she came home. Being ignored might have been one of the factors motivating Kristina to take meth.

anchors

 I am currently reading the book Crank, by Ellen Hopkins. It is about a girl named Kristina, who goes to visit her father after eight years of no contact. There, she discovers crystal meth. There are many things to write about in this book, but one of the things I had the most trouble with understanding was how fast Kristina became addicted to crystal meth, and how Bree helped play a part in her downward spiral. She was only with her father for 10 days, but when she came back home, even a month after being completely clean, she still wanted the monster.

You first meet Bree when Adam comes and introduces himself, and Kristina tells him her name is Bree. After this, she seems to become more comfortable with talking to him, and then later taking her first lines of crank. The thing is she agreed to take the drugs almost without a second thought, even though she was 16, smart, and was living with her father, who was practically a walking billboard as to how drugs will mess up your life. But I think that the initial reason she took her first line of crank was, apart from attraction to Adam, some part of her deep down wanted some way to bond or share a common interest with her dad; she unconsciously wanted to impress him, or show him that she did share half of his genetic makeup. She may have not been seven and his little princess anymore, so this was the very last thing she could do to get his attention. It would probably be extremely hard to be separated from a parent for eight years, especially if your last memories of them are happy ones instead of sad ones. Kristina was clinging to any last thing that may have proven she was her father’s daughter, even if it meant the drugs.  

It is probably very hard to suddenly submerge yourself into an entirely different world overnight. Instead of being surrounded with drugs her whole life, or slowly slipping into a haze of crystal meth, Kristina was just plopped right in. she never even smoked pot before she visited her father. She was a quiet, straight-A, nice, well-rounded person. It would be mentally trying to change all of that so fast. In order to cope with her whole new lifestyle, Kristina had to introduce Bree into her life. I think that everyone has a much more tuned down version of Bree inside of them; when you are listening to your parents chastise you and are silently screaming shut up! Can I go now?  Kristina had to let her “bad side” out. She is not schizophrenic, she just needed a way to keep the rule-abiding person she used to be from completely leaving, so, in order to cope and preserve her former self, she gave her more outgoing self a different name. Kristina and Bree are the same people, which is what makes it so hard to decipher who is who. Bree was Kristina’s anchor to her life before the monster.

People change a lot as they get older, especially in their teen years. I think that the people themselves do not really notice their changes as much as the people around you. It really is not healthy, though, to be forced to become a whole new person in a matter of days. Everybody changes on their own, and you don’t have any control over it. Your mind is actually pretty delicate, and once it learns something new, you can’t ever un-learn it.

Kristina? or Bree?

In the book "Crank" by Ellen Hopkins, we are introduced to Kristina. She is just a normal kid. She lives in Reno, has a moderate social life, and is a very intelligent student. As many other kids, her parents are also divorced, which leads to some problems. Her father is a drug addict living in Albuquerque, whom she decides to visit after quite a few years of not seeing him. Doing so is most likely the most important decision she has made in her life so far (although she might not know it when she made the decision). When she is in Albuquerque she discovers her alter-ego, Bree. Bree is the wild and crazed person Kristina never really gave much thought to. Since they are so different, I believe that instead of it being Kristina discovering a new side of her, it is a whole different person living alongside Kristina, like someone with a double personality.

On page 52, after Kristina refers to herself as Bree she says "Bree? Who was she? And where did that name come from? I'd probably heard it once in my life!" This is when Bree first exists. She doesn't have any power whatsoever yet, but it comes gradually. Kristina first realizes Bree is actually there later on in the text, though. Bree really gains power at the bowling alley. Since its Bree's first time really being free, she tries whatever she can. This includes marijuana, alcohol, and crystal meth (crank). Then, afterwards until now, it seems on and off between Kristina and Bree. It seems that Kristina is still in power, and can control when she wants Bree there or when she wants Kristina there. This double personality issue is very hard to understand, but it will probably become more complex as the book goes on.

So, in all, "Crank" may be one the the hardest books to understand that I've read. The double personality makes it very difficult from the start, and the way the book is formatted doesn't really help. But that is what make this book so good. It is a challenge, a very interesting challenge. One that is definitely worth looking into, I am extremely interested in how this double personality issue will turn out to be. I, personally, think that Bree will eventually gain enough power to take over Kristina, and it will screw up her life. I am very interested on how this book will end up, it seems to be full of surprises.

The Inner You

In the book Crank, by Ellen Hopkins, the main character is born Kristina, the hard working honors student. But when she visits her drug-addicted dad, she soon starts identifying as Bree, a crazy, dangerous teenager. Bree does things that Kristina could never dream of. Pretty soon, Bree takes over completely, and Kristina has to struggle  to be heard. When I first meet Bree, I thought that she was just a phase, that Kristina would gain control once she went back home, to Reno. It soon becomes apparent that Bree is here to stay. This leaves me questioning whether or not it is possible to identify with two completely different personalities in one person.

When Kristina/Bree comes home from visiting her dad in Albuquerque, she, like the reader, is expecting Bree, along with her yearn for crystal meth ( or, as she calls it, the monster), to slowly fade away, and that Kristina will take over. But she finds that she can't keep a part of her quiet forever. Bree had become a part of Kristina, and she was here to stay. She says "Bree is the essence of me". What exactly does that mean? Does Kristina/Bree still identify at all as Kristina? Is it even possible to change that much in such a short period of time? I do believe that Bree is a major part of Kristina/Bree. But I also believe that Bree would not be able to function without Kristina. Right now, Bree is a cry for help. She thinks that Kristina has been to goody-goody for too long, and Bree has not had a chance to shine. But without Kristina, Bree has no reason to do all of the dangerous things she does. She does those dangerous things to show that everyone does not know Kristina/Bree as well as they thought she did. But Bree can't handle no one knowing her at all, so she still clings to Kristina. It is a symbiotic relationship, though they both refuse to recognize the other. Until they do, Bree/Kristina will never find peace.

To conclude, it is possible to discover a new part of yourself. Maybe you'll only find one. Or maybe you'll find multiple traits of yourself that don't exactly fit together, but still make you you. Still, I don't think it is healthy to find second you that is completely different. Kristina/Bree used Bree to do everything she wanted. But while doing that, she lost sight of Kristina. While she really identifies with Bree and Kristina, she only admits to herself as identifying as Bree. Had she found a balance to Bree and Kristina, she would have been able to be both in harmony. It is up to each of us to discover all parts of ourselves, but then find a way to make all of the puzzle pieces together.

No Going Back

Teen years are some of the biggest years of peoples' lives. Its a time where someone can figure out who they really are, and start to question the world around them. When you're just thirteen, you feel like you know so much, but really its just the beginning of a unfamiliar world where people start to question themselves.

I'm reading the book Crank, by Ellen Hopkins. The main character Kristina is going through a lot in her life. She just reunited with her dad, who she hadn't seen for eight years. While visiting her dad, she started doing crystal meth, and claims to have fell in love with the boy who introduced it to her. All of these things bring out a whole other side of Kristina. A side of her she calls Bree.

I think after reading this book for a bit of time, Kristina feels like she is changing, but calls this side of her Bree out of fear of what she could become.

Kristina starts describing things that used to be familiar as a threat. After coming back from her dads house, Kristina felt like she had been exposed to a whole other world, where she was Bree, and didn't understand how to adjust back to Kristina after all she'd seen and been through. I think this is relatable. I believe that we all go through something on our way to adulthood that makes us develop more as people, or question who we are and what we really want. Between the summer of fifth and sixth grade I went down to visit my family in Virginia. When I was younger I'd had all of these fond, almost magical, memories of going down to visit them. Only when I went down that summer, my family seemed different. I started looking at people in my family differently. I learned about peoples pasts more, things that drove them, and saw all of these people who I thought I knew all about as mysteries. It wasn't that they had changed as much as I had. I saw them clearer than I had before, and I understood then that we all have a past that makes people who they are, and people exist when you're not with them.

Once you've realized something like that theres no going back to how you've looked at something before. This can be connected to Kristina. When she was with her dad she found a part of herself that she didn't know there was before. When she went back to Reno, she had to figure out how to look at home after all she'd seen before that. She describes Bree of how she truly sees things, what she wants to be; she describes Kristina as what people want her to be.

All of this makes me wonder why Kristina calls herself Bree when she's doing bad things like drugs. It makes me wonder why Kristina just can't do the things she wants being herself. But in a way, it makes sense. By creating a part of her called Bree, she doesn't have to completely blame herself for the things she gets into. She could also still be holding onto Kristina because she doesn't want to let go, like she's afraid of what being Bree would do to her.

She talks about Bree as if she's being possessed by a monster, but I think Kristina is really just going through changes and feels a need to blame someone for it other then herself. She's old enough to know rights and wrongs, she just isn't sure yet what makes her happy, and we can all relate to wanting to experiment.

Trying To Impress

     In Crank by Ellen Hopkins, teenager Kristina (Bree) meets her father for the first time. At first, her father seems like he cares a lot about what Kristina thinks of him. But towards the middle, he begins to openly tells Kristina about the darker parts of his life. Through Kristina's father, it's shown that sometimes, people stop caring about their impact on others.

     At the beginning of the story, Kristina's father tries to hide his bad habits from Kristina. For example, when he picks her up from the airport and starts smoking in the car he says, "Quit Once." I think by telling her this he's trying impress her in sort of way. He wants his child to think that her father actually tried his best to prevent having to smoke. He's making an excuse for her to not judge him for smoking. He also tries to make his house seem better than it is. He says, "Welcome to my castle." He's trying to make light of his home so Kristina won't judge him. He tries to be humorous to distract Kristina from her expectations. He knows that Kristina thought she was coming to a decent man, and he tries to make it seem like he is who she expected him to be.

     Then, he begins to expose his darker addictions. He admits to Kristina, "Been smokin' pot since I was 13, couldn't quit if I tried." He no longer even cares about how his own daughter sees him. He not only shows Kristina that he isn't the father she thought he was, but also crushes Kristina's hope of him ever changing. She knows now that he will never become the father she expected from him. Kristina then sees her father openly be irresponsible. For example, she says, "As I watched, one thing became obvious. Where the party went, my dad followed." This shows that by observing her dad, she cares about who he is. It also shows how her dad is exposing her to who is really is. He stays with his group because he actually doesn't care about Kristina's well-being. He only cares about how he appears to her.

     Overall, Kristina's fathers shows readers that sometimes, people don't care about each other, they only care about what they think of each other. By at first trying to impress Kristina but the giving up, her father represents how impressions aren't made at first metting, but over time and knowledge.

Clueless or Confused?

            The book Crank by Ellen Hopkins can be a very intense book at times but has its own way on explaining what happens in the world behind what lots of parents try to hide from their kids. Some people have to accept that these things do happen and it’s better to educate kids at a younger age so they won’t make the same mistakes. In the book the main character, Kristina/Bree, had a perfect relationship with her mother before she left to go visit her dad. Then she met a guy, started crystal meth which she tends to personally call “the monster”, and changed her life maybe almost completely. Coming back home to her well-engaged mother seems to annoy Kristina/Bree. Her and her mother are quickly drifting apart with just one trip, but many “spoons” of crank, another word used for crystal meth. Ellen Hopkins so far hasn’t showed that the mother knows about this addiction but she hasn’t shown that she doesn’t. Is the mother clueless about the addiction or is she just confused on how to talk about it?

            On page 283, Kristina/ Bree’s mother is asking her normal questions about her day asking what she ate and if she ate her veggies, normal parent to kid questions, but not normal kid thoughts. During the conversation Kristina/Bree can't help but to only think about are the downfalls of “the monster” and how she can't do all the things she used to be able to. She even says “OMG! Here I was busting my brain on first-class speed, and all she cared about was if I’d consumed my greens?” Kristina/Bree doesn’t tell her mom about the crank, which I understand would be really hard to do but she expects her mom to help her without even knowing what’s wrong. It’s not her mom’s fault that she doesn’t know. Unless she does know just doesn’t know how to talk about it.

            But in conclusion, yes Kristina/Bree’s mother should help her with her “addiction” to crank but how can she do anything if she doesn’t know what's wrong? I understand that it is hard for Kristina/Bree to tell her mother or anyone else who doesn’t do crank but since she doesn’t tell anyone how can she expect them to know what wrong or even what to do about it. So far it seems like her mother is clueless about the crank but can tell something is up.